Just a warning: this blog post is going to be my most personal yet. It’s about to get a bit deep. But I’ve had some pretty awesome things happen to me recently, and it’s made me realise a few things about myself, and I hope that a few of you out there will be able to relate, too.
So, I’m the younger of two sisters. There’s a four-year gap between us. Ever since we were young, it was always the unspoken truth that my sister was the smart one. The pretty one. The one who would probably go places. By the time she was ten, she knew exactly where she wanted her life to go; she wanted to be a primary school teacher. And, now she’s twenty three, she’s done it. She’s exactly where she wanted to be with her career, plus she’s just bought a house. Life is looking quite peachy for her. But then, everyone in our family knew it would be. It was me that was the trouble.
I was never really anything special, I’m still not. I was always average at school, never overly popular, never overly confident. Although no one ever said it (we’re all too polite as a family), no one ever expected me to do A Levels or go to university. No one really expected me to amount to much. But I did, because I found something that I loved. I found something that I actually excelled at, and that I felt confident with.
Taking Media Studies was the making of me. People will always look down on it as a subject, lord knows my family did, but that doesn’t concern me. They don’t understand the work that we have to put in. Anyway, it slowly began to dawn on me that Media was my thing. I understood everything, I got consistently good results, so when it came to picking A Levels, I thought “Hey, film is a part of media, why not take Film Studies?” And thank God I did, because I would not be the person I am today without it.
I have never loved anything so much in my life as I do film. Because I was confident with the subject, I felt more confident with people. I slowly began to realise that my sister wasn’t ‘the smart one’. We both are. Just in very different ways.
No one, not even me, expected me to end up at such a high-ranking university, studying something I love. If you would have told me that when I was fourteen, I would’ve laughed. Yet here I am.
Oh, and the awesome things that have happened to me recently? Two firsts. Something I never thought I’d see. But I did that, and I did that on my own. It’s taken a bloody long time, but I’m finally starting to believe in myself. And that’s because I’m doing what I love, no what matter what anyone else has said or will say. I’m doing me.