Time heals the pain – everyone.
“It’s going to be fine.” “You’re in shock.” “It’s fine to cry.” “I am sorry for your loss.”
The words that everyone will hear in their lifetime when they lose a loved one. I heard these words this time last year when I lost my cousin and my grandmother.
As a university student, we are in this bubble of lectures, seminars, coursework, and exams. What do we do when that bubble pops by a sharp needle? This blog is dedicated to my lost ones, to those who lost their loved ones on the pathway of getting a degree and to everyone else.
I was a first year student running around trying to keep on track on my modules. I was living in the library and always doing my lecture notes or reading. Without a doubt, I always called my parents every day because I am the baby of the family and to tell them, everything is fine. On 11th February 2016, I called my parents and they seemed really tensed and the conversation did not last for that long. On 12th February 2016, I went back home to spend the weekend with my family. My mum picked me up from the train station and I could sense something was wrong. I asked “what’s wrong” and she said “my dad will talk to me when I get home”. In my head, I was thinking what have I done? Maybe he knows I ate his last chocolate when I was at home for Christmas?
When I entered my house, I sensed the uneasiness but no one would tell me. I went to my brother and asked him “what’s wrong?” He goes “nothing is wrong”. Then I spoke to my dad, he said “my cousin had passed away from committing suicide on 11th February 2016”.
I did not break down but I had a few tears running down my cheek. The next day, I broke down but, I was in safe hands. The following Monday I returned back to Leicester.
So what did I do as a student? I put a face on and acted like everything was fine. I carried on doing my work but, it was difficult. I used to snap at people saying “I wish I could kill myself” and I still do because it’s not a joking matter. If anyone feels like this, please go and speak to a doctor or go the mental wellbeing department on campus. You always have someone to listen to you;Always.
After the passing of my cousin, my family was coming to terms with it and trying to move on with life. It was hard trying to get back to the normal routine. It was March and I was away on a field trip with my course to Devon. It was the second day into the trip where I found out my grandmother passed away on the 12th March 2016. She died from a broken heart due to the passing of my late cousin. To this day, I can still feel the same feelings and emotions I felt on that cold morning. That week was the longest week ever for me, I had tears rolling down my cheeks every single moment when I was left by myself. I had my course peers around me but, it’s not the same feeling as your family.
It was very difficult for me as I saw my grandmother on Mother’s Day a week before she passed away. I still remember giving her flowers and her favourite pizza; I remember the last words she said to me. So that whole week, I was remembering the times I spent with her and the times she used to pinch my cheek and smile. The end of the week, we gave a presentation about habitats we were studying, I was very nervous. I got through it as I pictured my little old granny with her walking stick, sitting on the chair and telling me to “carry on and be confident, you’re my granddaughter”.
Once back in Leicester from the trip, within a couple of hours my brother and my cousin picked me up. The next day was her funeral and I sobbed so much. God knows how many pocket tissues I went through. We released doves in her memory and she had her own horse and carriage for the day.
So what did I do as a student? I was broken. I was lost because, she was the foundation of our family. I started to question life and wondering if this is a test to lose two family members within four weeks. I was not at university as it was Easter so, I had my family with me. If I was at university, I would had asked for migrating circumstances as I tried to get back on to my feet. I would have ate a lot of ice cream and pizza. Maybe cried everyday into that ice cream tub. Who knows? Everyone reacts in a different way. Some people don’t cry and deal with it in their own way. Some people isolate themselves from everyone. Everyone has a different coping method.
Why have I written this blog? I feel that people dismiss the idea of losing loved ones during university. Anyone can lose a loved one at any time. It is difficult for someone who is studying away from home as their family is not around. The university is here for support and to get us back onto the right path such as the wellbeing department or personal tutors.
If you are in need of support, there are many sources of help available at the university.
Find out more about student counselling:http://www2.le.ac.uk/offices/counselling
Student Mental Wellbeing:http://www2.le.ac.uk/offices/mental-wellbeing/counselling
Student Welfare Service:http://www2.le.ac.uk/offices/welfare/welfare-front-page
How do I feel after a year? I have become stronger in a mental way and I see life differently. I don’t a miss opportunity to become more successful as I feel that my lost loved ones are cheering me on. I appreciate life more and everyone who is around me. Life keeps on going on and time does not wait for anyone.
If you have lost someone, you’re not alone.