It’s been a really windy road to figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life.
I realised that I hadn’t been honest with myself about my passions, because something had stopped me every time from admitting my one, true passion for the media and entertainment industry. It’s really scary! I’ve called certain things I enjoy doing my ‘passions’ and my ‘true callings’, but in hindsight, I didn’t know what those words truly meant. You know when you repeat a word over and over again until it loses meaning and just becomes noises you make with your mouth? I just kept telling myself that I really was passionate about marketing and graphic design and languages. But my real passion, what I truly enjoyed doing without even thinking about it, was right under my nose the entire time.
I love film and TV and I don’t share it with a lot of people for some reason. I spend hours going down a YouTube black hole of Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers, and Saturday Night Live. I watch videos on facts about movies that I haven’t even watched, because I just love knowing all the behind-the-scenes happenings. Learning how film and TV are produced gives me so much joy – probably as much as John Mayer gives me joy, and that’s really saying something, because my love for John is fully realised. But more than anything, I want to be a part of it all. I want to be involved in these projects that bring millions of people so much joy and happiness and delight.
Never have my fingers flown across the keyboard with more vigour than for this very blog post! Nothing made me as excited or want to burst into tears more than finally admitting out loud that I want to work in the media and entertainment industry one day. And although evidence shows that I’m an I’m-slightly-overwhelmed-so-I’m-going-to-literally-burst-into-tears kind of person, this felt different. I shouldn’t have to tell myself what my passion is, I should just know. The fact that I was trying to convince myself that I was passionate about those things should have been Red Flag #1, but I just didn’t see it. You can be enthusiastic about things, and you can be passionate about things. I’m a design-enthusiast, but it’s not my passion. That extra step of wanting to be a part of media and entertainment is the key for me.
This past year has been an incredibly eye-opening, fog-lifting, lightbulb-shining, epiphanic kind of year. I’ve gained so much self-awareness and that’s what’s helped me the most. The other important thing I learned is asking for help, which I’m really bad at, but am getting better at doing. Chatting to my friends while standing at a crossroads have quelled any doubts I’ve had that I’m doing the right thing; their stories of similar struggles or even more drastic changes in career paths have been really reassuring. My best friend, Scarlett, has been there every step of the way, being her usual inspirational self and really pushing me to believe in myself (which is another thing I struggle with, but that’s a whole other blog post).
I think this blog post is probably a good way to wrap up my constantly-changing-career-path journey. I have no doubts I’ll be writing about my future again, but in terms of changing my mind for a 4th time, I’m determined not to let it happen.
So, this is it – my short-term future is pretty much set and I’m so ready to get going.