Allow me to reintroduce myself….again

It seems like it’s been forever since I’ve had any meaningful contact with the university, and I can’t even articulate why. Sure, part of the explanation can be owed to the trials and tribulations of being a distance learning student with no physical connection to the university. However, in addition to that, I think that burning the candle at both ends has finally resulted in me being burned out. Maybe I’m not a superhero after all.


It’s weird because I’m in the homestretch of my program now, and I can’t seem to find the energy or focus to get much done. Coupled with other reali life stressors, it’s an absolute recipe for disaster. Ironically, I enjoy all the reading I’ve done for my dissertation. I honestly feel like a subject matter expert these days, and, in fact, I have used quite a bit of the knowledge I’ve gained through my research to add value to both my full-time job and my consulting business. The problem is that I haven’t begun writing the dissertation in earnest, and I’m not sure when I’ll force myself to sit down and compile all of my notes into something resembling a dissertation.


I think I’m also in a bit of psycho-emotional turmoil, as it’s been a year since my father succumbed to cancer, and we had been discussing his being well enough to attend both my graduation from University of Leicester and my sister’s graduation from a local stateside university last year. Unfortunately, he died before either of us graduated. I think that somewhere in the depths of my mind, I realize that graduation would be bittersweet because of our history as regards me graduating from school. When I was graduating from high school, my both my parents were hospitalized. My mother had just had a stroke and my father was in diabetic shock, having just developed Type 2 diabetes. When I was graduating from college, my mother was too sick to attend, and my father was also quite sick, but somehow he’d made it. I quit law school for the opportunity to chase a dream to play in the NFL, so there was no graduation stress involved with that experience. I was hoping that my father would make it to Leicester for graduation (my mother died a few years before I started my studies at University of Leicester), but now that that’s no longer a possibility, I’m not even sure I want to attend, myself.


In any event, I know I need to snap out of it and get it together fast. I’m going to be up against a deadline sooner than I’m prepared for, and I’m sure the rest of the world could care less about my emotional conflicts. They only care about results, so somehow, I need to produce.




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About Ismail

Hi, I'm Ismail. I'm an American living abroad while trying to figure out what I want to be when (if) I grow up. I love sports, particularly American football and martial arts, and when I'm not working at one of my four jobs, you will likely find me in the gym lifting really heavy stuff. I'm a distance learning MSc Finance student, and I'll be happy to share my journey with you while trying to maintain some semblance of sanity.

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